Creepy is relative says the stalker

Inspired by the oh-so-honest and thoroughly believable General Security Officers (GSOs) at the Art Gallery of NSW, my humble workplace over the last 9 months.

Simmy, our lovable front desk receptionist and I were having a loud discussion between cubicles this afternoon about who our favourite GSO was. Obviously the big smiley Islander guy was the hand-down winner, which met to rapturous agreement from the other girls around the office (note: we should really find out what his name is, he's totally in the crew).

Simmy then went on to talk about a run in she'd had with one of the other, not so affectionately thought of guards:



Simmy:
He cornered me in the loading dock for a conversation one day right. For some reason the subject of partners came up and he whips out his wallet to show me his 'new lady friend'. The picture he showed me was of a Japanese girl and it looked like it had been cut out of a magazine. There was some pink taffeta in there I think.

Davey:
You're kidding.

Simmy:
Nup. It was all misty and stuff, like they'd used Vaseline on the lens or something.

Davey:
soooo... i'm thinking... a Vogue from the 80s? He was at the doctors, for shizzle.

Simmy:
He looks at me and goes, "Lovely, isn't she?"

Davey:
...

Simmy:
I'm serious.

Davey:
Next time, grab the nearest empty KFC box, point to the colonel and say: "This is MY new boyfriend. Lovely isn't he? I've been trying to get him to lose the beard though. I think it makes him look so 'fictional'."