Monday, November 5, 2007

Life. The Non-Exact Science

It never fails to surprise me how small the world is. Oh sure, some scientific boffin sporting a bad come-over and claiming ancient Greek ancestry will try to convince you that the circumference of the earth is somewhere in the vicinity of 25,000 miles, but I know better. The size of the Earth of course fluctuates; shrinking in direct proportion to the amount of people there are out there in the world that you absolutely, categorically don't want to run into.

A fine example of this phenomenon occurred last week. I was having a quiet beer with the MaCahon sisters, daughters of one of my Mum's close friends, who had very generously agreed to meet with me on the basis that it was a charity job and could later be written off on tax. Luckily we all turned out to be only mildly psychotic, which relates to 'pleasantly engaging' in pub terms. Stephanie later confessed to me that she had called my number after noticing the sudden appearance of a dilapidated loner at the bar, who was studying his A-Z with notable fervor. If the hobo had answered his phone, she had resolved to leave through the back door at once. I made a quick mental note to avoid engaging these cunning lasses in a battle of wits.

Quickly forgetting my resolution, we embarked immediately in a battle of wits. Choice of battleground: a particularly tough UK pub quiz. Through some very nimble brain wizardry Jess was managing to keep the team afloat, but by around half time it was pretty obvious that the Karmagutsas were about to live up to their pessimistic namesake. My daydreams of our downfall were interrupted suddenly by a girl at the table next to us who was looking at me quizzically.

"I'm sorry, but I've got the feeling I know you." She said through her quizzically accusing death ray eyes.

"Mm?" I ventured, trying to sound non-committal.

"You grew up in Canberra, didn't you." Accusation, not question. "What's your name?"

"Umm.. David Price."

"OH. MY. GOD. You went out with my sister, Fleur."

"Oh, Fleur! You mean the 3 week relationship - 5 hour torturous breakup girl who couldn't understand the multi-faceted reasons as to why it wasn't working who then subsequently ambushed me in the Pancake Parlour when she was drunk and loudly accused me of having a heart darker than Satan to which I responded meekly by bowing my head and having another bite of my now sodden blueberry flapjack attack?"

"Um. Yeah."

"Wow. Tell her I said 'Hi'."

Expanding universe my arse.


kiki said...

she wanted you

you should have had a crack!

Milly Moo said...

LOL - great post Davey. Like your comeback to the psycho date as well - very honest!

eleanor bloom said...

And so true that the world's only small re people you DON'T want to see. (Unless you're looking particularly shit that day, then you'll see someone you're keen on for sure.)

Nice quizzical wordplay there. Funny post Davey. Esp the bit where you are a charity case. Heh. That gave me a good chuckle!

davey said...

I was wondering whose hand on my leg that was.

Honesty.... yes.... I am ALSO a advocate of its virtues. Uh huh.

I'm with you. Why can I not run into that girl who I used to walk home with when I was in year 8 who couldn't go out with me because she was a jehovah's witness and her parents had already lined her up a future husband. Huh?

The Blakkat said...

She'll probably find you on facebook next. Watch out...

I'm guessing there's a reason you're not in Canberra anymore...