Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Making predictions out of ordinary household items.

While indulging in a day off work at home really quite sick the other week, a work colleague of mine decided to interrupt my musings with an email, the guts of which was an "i bet you're not actually sick" accusation. She went on to explain her belief that i had taken the day off for a multitude of other reasons, which she decided to list in point form.


She was right on the first 3. Damn her lady-like intuitiveness.

It was true that I..

a) Was entertaining someone *ahem*

b) Had in fact forgotten to do some other work over the weekend that was due first thing Monday morning

c) Needed to lie on the couch and repeatedly send text messages that don't make sense to random numbers (Please return the dice Simon, my affection for your buffet is at an end). I should gloat about this less, it seems

After I let her know that it was particularly uncanny that she dissected my carefully constructed subterfuge, she went on to breezily explain that she was ALWAYS right about such things. Very esoteric i thought, after i had looked up what esoteric meant and went 'Huh? That can't be right'. I wonder if I have a similar super power?

(Incidentally, we had concluded over the weekend that the power of giving someone pash rash does not actually count as a power)

So in no particular order, here are MY predictions for the next 10 years:

1. At a moment of extreme coincidence, pink becomes the new black - at the exact same moment that hell freezes over. Pigs fly shortly thereafter.

2. Arnold Scharznegger realises that it is, in fact, a tumor

3. Putting aside their political differences, the Australian two party system is abolished. In it's place stands a single, all-ruling party: 'Libour'. Although intended to be an amalgamation of the previous two political party names, Libour is soon seen to be a representation of what politicians have always been. Lying swine.

4. High waisted shorts make the obvious fashion jump to high waisted lederhosen. Rotund German men around the world collectively celebrate their good fortunes. Beer prices sky rocket. Being the ever-opportunistic-and-willing-to-cash-in-on-pop-culture icons that they are, Human Nature change their musical style to 'oom-pah'. Still shit.

5. We finally get hover boards. We shouldn't be surprised when they don't end up working on water, yet we still are. Power laces are still curiously absent from our lives.

6. Spats, crevats and leather gloves come back into fashion. Davey can finally wear half his wardrobe without having to wait for a fancy dress party. (The theme's NOT Great Gatsby? But Roger assured me it was! Roger? Friend of yours i assume. Wears a hat.)

7. People finally stop wearing 'vote for Pedro' tee-shirts, realising that there isn't in fact an election for which Pedro was running and even if there was he would surely lack the political experience to pull off an underdog win.

8. Someone ends up reading this blog that isn't my auntie, and who doesn't tell me that it's not going to receive a link from her blog due to the 'potentially offensive material'. (This one came to me in a dreaaaaam.)

** DEAR BOSS : This is all completely made up. As if I would ever chuck a sickie. Way too dedicated. Love. xx **

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