Friday, April 11, 2008

Dear God, why Me-me? Part 1.

Ok, it seems there is no avoiding this meme thing. Eleanor Bloom and the blogger formerly known as Milly Moo are only too delighted to push the format, and although it all feels scarily reminiscent of being passed 'So, who do u like? Pass it on.' notes in Mr Clews' History class, I must be pretty convincing in my assurances of participation because the requests keep rollin' in. Heavens knows why; I'm lying through my teeth.

Lying is a bit strong. It's more like when you have every intention of taking out the garbage right up until the point where your house starts smelling like fish. Which is strange because you can't remember having recently eaten fish. Considering that's about the best simile I have ever come up with, it really is a wonder why people are requesting me to write more. Perhaps they're suckers for punishment, who knows? People's preference for bdsm is none of my hoo-ha.

So anyway. I've got like three memes to do. Don't worry, ye of little attention span; I'll totally fudge it. I've got a plan.

Meme 1 -- Earliest Memory

My sister used to be a massive fan of Barbie; an anomaly among children in a district that was more used to rearing cattle-rustling femme fatales and World War I flying aces (in the case of myself). Many Barbies and their ill-pink accoutrements were purchased for her growing collection. Along with the pink Cadillacs and obscenely long maned ponies of fluttering eyelidded virtue came packaged many Barbie-related information pamphlets coaxing the world's future cheerleaders into joining the latest Shopping Mall Appreciation Society, the Cookie Bakers Council, or some other no doubt worthy NPO.

Attracted to the vibrant pink paper, I seized one of the Barbie fan club applications. I managed to get the gist of it through the patient explanation of Mum, but then promptly forgot about it; probably because it had very little to do with planes, pilots, or things that flew.

A few months later, Mum found me in my bedroom at one o'clock in the morning bawling my eyes out. Apparently I had suddenly realised that we had missed the cut-off date for sending in the application, and although I wasn't sure what prizes I had missed out on, if any, I was pretty certain that they would have been great, and that I would have liked them. A lot.

Before we all get carried away with the implications of my being heartbroken over not getting into a club for girls, let's first examine the alternative explanations. Personally, I think this says more about how much importance I place on the punctual submission of documents. At least it would, had I any semblance of punctuality. Which I don't. Punctuality issues notwithstanding, I still think that this story shows that from an early age I liked to while away the twilight hours conjecturing and pondering. About plastic dolls, sure, but I bet you I was just thought they were GI Joes with 60s haircuts. And frankly, that level of zietgiest understanding shows merit, and not you or my twice a week, 80 pound an hour psychiatrist is going to tell me any different.

That's Eleanor's done. Milly's next, then Eleanor's other one. Will the pain never stop? Yes, indeed the pain will stop; in just two memes time. Quit yer bellyachin.


eleanor bloom said...

Poor boy. It's hell being popular.

I believe your lacking in the punctuality department... I'd completely forgotten about this meme!

And now we know that your secret identity is Snoopy! Yay! I love Snoopy. I was at an amusement park in the US once when I was 14, and a giant Snoopy guy came and gave me a lo-o-ong hug. And then another hug! And another!! He's obviously a very cuddly beagle.

davey said...

Or a very lonely guy dressed as a cuddly beagle.. but what are the chances of that?

Kath Lockett said...

Ah, you know you love it....

davey said...


Judy P said...

Hey Davey, I once had a thing with Barbie called:


We see her here
We see her there
This wondrous Apparition
With the golden blonde curly hair

No cellulite on her thighs
No previous history of eating meat pies
Hangs there
We do not dare to stare for too long
As she seemingly floats along pursuing her dream
Of a place in the Year 2000 Olympic Team

Is she the Lady of Challot ?
Or a nineties version of Lady Godiva;
I think not either.
She is simply a body in built up Reeboks
With blonde curly locks.

This Angourie can muddle your senses
Or perhaps its all the red wine and beer
That I have been drinking since I have been here.

Angourie Beach
January 1997


Rosie said...

i suffered from Barbie envy as a kid, being the resentful owner of a Sindy doll instead.

who am i kidding, i still suffer from Barbie envy.

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davey said...

Stumblor: considered likeable by 9 out of 10 webbots.

Annie Rhiannon said...


Annie Rhiannon said...

And I never liked Barbies or Sindies. But I had three My Little Ponies and loved every single one of them like they were my own children.

kiki said...

i think the fact that you cried over not being getting into the girls club says a LOT about you now...