Stumblor

Showing posts with label Capt Buzzkill. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Capt Buzzkill. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Cap't Buzzkill and the Zoltar Run in


[Capt' Buzzkill and Beaker are skulking quietly through an amusement park in the dead of night]



Around this next corner? Nay. By th' 'airy God o' 'Ades, I know 'e be around 'ere someplace.







Ma meeep!






Always the 'arbinger of disaster, aint ye?






Meep meep MEEEP!






Quit yer bellyachin' ye braggart, th' guards are all 'ome in bed at this 'our, so ye've nothin' t' worry 'bout. Now if only we could just find th' rottin'..

Ahar! 'Ere 'e be.








Mooma meep!






Aye. A very rakishly angled 'at it is too.







Moop?






Ye look fair as a feather good mate! Now just let me find th' place where ye put... 10 DOUBLOONS? By th' beak of th' Krakaan, that be wretched exorbitant. Aye tell ye mate, th' Xbox 360 got a lot t' answer fer! Thank me stars it be pillagin' week.






Zoltar awakens!







Ferchrist! Gave me th' fright of me life ye' did.







Zoltar awaits your question. Zoltar sees all, knows all,
predicts
all.







Harr! Aye find tha' 'ard to believe considerin' yer dwindlin' target market. Where was yer power of second sight when all th' kids got bored ay? Out clearin' yer bilge 'ole?







Zoltar... predicts... everything except gaming market fluctuations.






Oright mate (elbows Beaker in the ribs). Wull, bein' all-knowin' as ye are Zoltarrrr, ye be already aware o' of th' recent 'eart troubles I be sufferin' at th' 'ands o' tha' scurvy ex lass o' mine. Awful business it was, left me reckless as a sea dog and twice as mangy. But yer see mate, aye've found meself in a bit o' a pickle concernin' a new wench tha' aye 'ad the good fortune t' win in a dice game, 'bout a full moon afore.





Zoltar is listening.






She be a salty lass and no mistake! Grim as they come. 'er foul mouth alone could stop a belchin' sea wind in it's tracks. 'Er belchin', wull tha' stops clocks. Surely, she be everthin' a man could 'ope fer. Recently we be spendin' most 'o our wakin' hours together. Fer a landlubber, she sure knows 'ow t' lub.







Zoltar is wondering what your problem is.






Wull aye once 'eard about these things called 'feelins' ye see. Aye 'eard yer supposed t' 'ave em fer people when ye be sharin' th' cutlass so t' speak. Bein' a bit o' a scallywag in recent times, aye get th' feelin' aye may 'ave lost me ability in tha' respect.






Zoltar submits to you that you are being a wuss.








Not t' mention th' trust issues she 'as concernin' th' fact aye won 'er in a game o' chance. Don't get me started..







Zoltar is considering your predicament.







"One lousy bottle o' rum?" She goes.
"Is tha' all aye be worth t' ye?". Don't get me started..







Zoltar assures you that Zoltar could not be further from getting you started. Please allow Zoltar a chance to think.







Aye just want t' know where it be goin' mate. Whuther aye should make 'er me first mate or whuther aye should just weigh anchor an' relegate 'er to th' poop deck.






Zoltar is becoming aware of the answer you seek. It will come to pass that you will shed your concerns of the future and live more in the moment, knowing that nothing good was ever achieved from focusing solely on illusory negatives. Once you have achieved this state of mind, an elegant solution will present itself and you will act decisively to achieve your goal.






Thanks fer nothin', ye' lousy machine.







Meeoop!







Oright Oright aye was just about t' ask 'im. Ahoy Zoltar. Me mate 'ere wants t' know if th' Seekers are ever goin' t' reform.







Meep Ma Moop!






Right. If th' Seekers are ever going t' reform with Judith Durham a' th' 'elm.








Zoltar requests additional compensation before answering further questions.








Aye.. see.






Moop?







Arrr.. Sorry me hearty. Th' prognosis be bleak.







Meoooo...







[Inspiration loaned from Rosie's recent posts on Astrology and Pirates]

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Cap't Buzzkill and the Breakup

Buzz, honey, I'm sorry to pull you out of your 'Captains with hatpins' meeting like this, it's just that I really needed to talk to you about something.






Oh ferchrist. 'Ere it comes.






I've been offered a position on another ship Buzz, I'm leaving you.







Ack! Bajesus! I be gobsmacked. Of all the scurvy... lowdown... Lily livered..

Why by thunder? Why?






Well, he just offers me such great opportunities Buzz! We'll be involved in all sorts of legitimate trading opportunities in the West Indies, he's been good friends with my family for years, and well, he's just.. so.. educated.. Buzz.






Educated? Blow me down. EDUCATED? I be educated too ya know!






You took night school Buzz.







I BE LEVEL FOUR IN SHIVERING TIMBERS BY THUNDER!







The board expelled you when they learned you'd been selling bootleg liquor to minors moonshined yourself in the mixed dorm bathtubs Buzz. Three of those kids got acute alcohol poisoning!






I thought they be just POSING as minors. And anyway, those hypocrites on the board would 'av 'ad nay'r a problem if I'd 'av plundered the grog meself! "Pirates don't brew" they told me. Scoundrels!






Really honey, this is all beside the point. I've made up my mind. It's not that I don't love you, it's just that all this nefarious behavior has to end at some point, and I just don't see you wanting the same things as me. Remember last week when I told you I thought our relationship needed more spark? You bought me a new canon. You just never listen Buzz.




That canon cost me 50 doubloons.

*sniff*






I'm sorry Buzz. I'm leaving now. Too many people will be hurt if I stay.








I be understandin' completely. Allow me tha' honour of sayin' just one more thing.






Of course Buzz.







I hope ye taste good. I wouldna' be wantin' to give acute scallywag poisonin' to tha' crocodile.

FEED HER TO 'EM ME HEARTIES!






Aye Aye! *shove*