Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Cap't Buzzkill and the Zoltar Run in

[Capt' Buzzkill and Beaker are skulking quietly through an amusement park in the dead of night]

Around this next corner? Nay. By th' 'airy God o' 'Ades, I know 'e be around 'ere someplace.

Ma meeep!

Always the 'arbinger of disaster, aint ye?

Meep meep MEEEP!

Quit yer bellyachin' ye braggart, th' guards are all 'ome in bed at this 'our, so ye've nothin' t' worry 'bout. Now if only we could just find th' rottin'..

Ahar! 'Ere 'e be.

Mooma meep!

Aye. A very rakishly angled 'at it is too.


Ye look fair as a feather good mate! Now just let me find th' place where ye put... 10 DOUBLOONS? By th' beak of th' Krakaan, that be wretched exorbitant. Aye tell ye mate, th' Xbox 360 got a lot t' answer fer! Thank me stars it be pillagin' week.

Zoltar awakens!

Ferchrist! Gave me th' fright of me life ye' did.

Zoltar awaits your question. Zoltar sees all, knows all,

Harr! Aye find tha' 'ard to believe considerin' yer dwindlin' target market. Where was yer power of second sight when all th' kids got bored ay? Out clearin' yer bilge 'ole?

Zoltar... predicts... everything except gaming market fluctuations.

Oright mate (elbows Beaker in the ribs). Wull, bein' all-knowin' as ye are Zoltarrrr, ye be already aware o' of th' recent 'eart troubles I be sufferin' at th' 'ands o' tha' scurvy ex lass o' mine. Awful business it was, left me reckless as a sea dog and twice as mangy. But yer see mate, aye've found meself in a bit o' a pickle concernin' a new wench tha' aye 'ad the good fortune t' win in a dice game, 'bout a full moon afore.

Zoltar is listening.

She be a salty lass and no mistake! Grim as they come. 'er foul mouth alone could stop a belchin' sea wind in it's tracks. 'Er belchin', wull tha' stops clocks. Surely, she be everthin' a man could 'ope fer. Recently we be spendin' most 'o our wakin' hours together. Fer a landlubber, she sure knows 'ow t' lub.

Zoltar is wondering what your problem is.

Wull aye once 'eard about these things called 'feelins' ye see. Aye 'eard yer supposed t' 'ave em fer people when ye be sharin' th' cutlass so t' speak. Bein' a bit o' a scallywag in recent times, aye get th' feelin' aye may 'ave lost me ability in tha' respect.

Zoltar submits to you that you are being a wuss.

Not t' mention th' trust issues she 'as concernin' th' fact aye won 'er in a game o' chance. Don't get me started..

Zoltar is considering your predicament.

"One lousy bottle o' rum?" She goes.
"Is tha' all aye be worth t' ye?". Don't get me started..

Zoltar assures you that Zoltar could not be further from getting you started. Please allow Zoltar a chance to think.

Aye just want t' know where it be goin' mate. Whuther aye should make 'er me first mate or whuther aye should just weigh anchor an' relegate 'er to th' poop deck.

Zoltar is becoming aware of the answer you seek. It will come to pass that you will shed your concerns of the future and live more in the moment, knowing that nothing good was ever achieved from focusing solely on illusory negatives. Once you have achieved this state of mind, an elegant solution will present itself and you will act decisively to achieve your goal.

Thanks fer nothin', ye' lousy machine.


Oright Oright aye was just about t' ask 'im. Ahoy Zoltar. Me mate 'ere wants t' know if th' Seekers are ever goin' t' reform.

Meep Ma Moop!

Right. If th' Seekers are ever going t' reform with Judith Durham a' th' 'elm.

Zoltar requests additional compensation before answering further questions.

Aye.. see.


Arrr.. Sorry me hearty. Th' prognosis be bleak.


[Inspiration loaned from Rosie's recent posts on Astrology and Pirates]


Annie Rhiannon said...

Which hot Australian guy are you in your profile pic? The one on the right or the one on the left?

davey said...

The one on the left Annie, the one whose face resembles a laughing pug.

Milly Moo said...

Go for it, Capt Buzzkill! With Beaker by your side for emotional support, just enjoy the ride with the new lass......

Jo said...

I'm sorry, but relationship indecision? Relentless over-analysis of matters of the nookie? Partners gifted in the belching arts?
There seems to be a copyright problem.
You'll be hearing from my lawyers.

davey said...

I'm sure he'll appreciate the advice Milly, I'll relay it straight away.

Jo, fantastic news, I've seen your lawyer and she can call me anytime.

eleanor bloom said...

Oh, Beaker looks so cute in his wittle 'at! I always loved Beaker... and Animal. Perhaps that's why I always end up with monosyllabic men.

BTW, that's the wisest Zoltar I've come across. I guess go with the flow and all.... But I've heard another sage soul with similar advice and he's a lot cheaper. A winner that one.

Rosie said...

aw, does Davey need a hug?

or perhaps just a kick up the hole?

either way, happy to oblige.

davey said...

El, That's nothing. I read too much Mulga Bill's Bicycle when I was little and now I always end up with unicyclic men. My doctor tells me I have repressed wheel syndrome, whatever that means.

I thought Zoltar's advice sounded familiar!

Ta Rosie, I'm never one to knock back a cuddle or a swift kick in the pants. Just don't make me speak Gaeilge afterwards as I'm rough as guts.

Rosie said...

who've you been talking to???