LOLCets

Overheard on the train back from Brighton:

"You know Mery's cet? Yeh, the fet one. Wull it got run over by a car end lost ets tail. Et must heve bin bed, because now et kearn't crep!"

"Hey?"

"Mery's cet. Et kearn't crep! Et'd do my hid in."


A very tired Cath rose grumpily from my lap, not being able to contest any further with the tales of feline constipation. "Mery's cet is doing a lot of people's hids in today." she explained to me, and at least 3 other people within earshot.

Kiwis. As ubiquitous as Australians, but just a smidgen noisier.

Playing chicken with trucks

Kids are an amazing source of wonder, there's no doubt about it. Not only is everything new and exciting, but when you're a kid you haven't had time to work out what not to say; which is why they always say the most awesome stuff. Like, "I do wee-wee's from here". Classic.

This weekend I've been spending some quality time with my family down in Canberra. My immediate family consists of my Mum, Dad, sister Claire, her husband Jeremy and their two boys Angus (9m) and Oliver (3yr). Jeremy likes them to be known by their AKAs: Goosey and Olay Beast. Since these are the raddest names ever, I'm going to refer to them as such from now on.

Mum was telling me a story over dinner about the last time that they were taking the boys home from Gymbaroo*. Lately they've come to realise that it's a really bad idea to let the boys sleep in the car ride home - it basically means that they'll be tearing the house up all afternoon (trick of the trade #476: letting kids recharge is asking for trouble).

Solution? Well, originally they tried belting out renditions of 'Old McDonald had a farm', but i guess the repetition factor of that tired old number wasn't keeping up with the demands of your new age, mass consuming 3 year old. Damn you Wiggles. When will people learn?

Anyway, mum made up this new thing where every 30 seconds or so she'd get super excited about something.

"TRUCK! Oh a truck. Did you see that truck? That certainly was a truck."

And I guess it kind of evolved into this thing were she starting saying it like a chicken.

"Oh a truck! Truuuuuuuuck. Truck Truck tck bck bck bck bUCKERRRk!"

The boys of course thought this was hilarious, and pronounced it so by erupting in peals of laughter every time mum started up her buckerk thing. Mum totally thought that Olay Beast was down with the gag too, until the other day he comes up to her and says:

"Hey chicken. Where's the truck?"

I don't know whether we should be really worried or calling NASA. Perhaps something he said to me over dinner tonight may help lead the way for us:

(confidentially leans over to me)
"Hey. I'm going to go do poos, then I'm going to come back here and finish my dinner. Okay with you Davey?"

Dude, as long as you quit mentioning poos while I'm eating this here curry, you can do whatever you like little man. You have my blessing.



* some kid thing where they bang stuff to music and make all sorts of noise. The adult version is called ' a pub'.

Waste not want not?

Check out the latest innovation in cuddly soft toys:





http://www.peeandpoo.com/eng/flasheng.asp


Nope, you're eyes aren't broken. These cute little suckers are in fact plush toy representations of those two unmentionables that come out ya south bits. Being sold to kiddies everywhere. Shit you not.


One thing I can't help but wonder is whether it's actually a good idea to be reinforcing to kids the belief that playing with their waste is cool. Surely that's just asking for all kinds of house related poo haphazardry. SURELY.


I'll stick with teletubbies, cheers. At least then my kids will grow up as well-rounded crackheads and my walls will be spotless.