Monday, December 3, 2007

And the Winner Is..

I managed to catch up with Will briefly over MSN yesterday, which I regretted almost immediately as he begun talking about the 2007 Music Oz Awards show that he had recently been asked to present an award for. In my opinion, a close friend like Will should have been far more sensitive in the way he broached the news, considering that being an awards host is a lifelong dream of mine. In fact, it's Lifelong Dream #208; right behind playing a game of life-sized ten pin bowling using people as pins. Which is of course right behind owning an island shaped like a giant butt, you know, so that anytime a helicopter tried to land you'd be effectively mooning them with the entire island.

Anyway, sulking, as it turns out, is a highly ineffective battle tactic when the only form of emotive communication at your disposal is based around the smiley methodology. Furthermore, *pouts* just wasn't cutting the mustard. I begun trying to point this out to Will, but he obviously had far more pressing issues to talk about. Sure, pressing to HIM.

Will (avenge my life):
So I'm presenting the award for Excellence in Dance Music.

Davey (smells):
Excellence in Dance Music... Isn't that an oxymoron?

Will (avenge my life):
You're an oxymoron. The issue is that I need a gag to say before I present the award. You know. They always do these 'gag' things. I'm fairly sure it has something to do with humour.

Davey (smells):
Surely the award itself is funny enough.

Will (avenge my life):
I was thinking something along the lines of: "You know, it really irritates me that everyone thinks that as a DJ my life revolves around taking drugs and partying all weekend."

Davey (smells):
Good so far.

Will (avenge my life):
"Well it's simply not true. For instance, sometimes my dealer is out."

Davey (smells):
Yeah, and sometimes you're so wasted you have no idea whether today actually falls on a weekend or not.

Will (avenge my life):
Haha, Awesome! I'll say that.

Davey (smells):
Yeah. I mean, standing up in front of a room full of your colleagues and peers -- how could a joke about drug abuse NOT go down well?

Will (avenge my life):
My thoughts exactly. Now.. powder blue rayon suit, or that hot little number I wore briefly at the Bathurst B&S ball?

Obviously the suit, considering that the other outfit had been (thankfully) impounded and (hopefully) incinerated. Clothed in this regal ensemble and armed with the new material, Will took to the stage and gave it his awards-hosting all. I was told later that despite my reservations, the joke went down a treat, with music aficionados and band cool kids hooting in self-depreciating approval. How about that! I suppose you should never underestimate the music industry's capacity to see the funny side of drug induced catatonia.

Easy mistake to make though.

The Oz Music Awards screens Wed Dec 5th on Channel V. See Will make some jokes up about Whopper value meals, and all kinds of other exciting stuff.


Rosie said...

what modest lifelong dreams you have!

small consolation, but think how smug you'll feel when he comes across as a total prick on the telly (they always do, don't they?)

Steph said...

Oh you have cool friends. My only claim to by proxy fame is my girl who works on Big Brother.

davey said...

Modest, yes, but accomplishable. I prefer the accolades of success to the thrill of actually having achieved something worthwhile.

Jo ala Jo Blogs works on Big Brother. I wonder if the two are chums and/or have had steamy stationary closet romps together?

kiki said...

so is he joking about whoppers or drugs?

how many awards is he presenting?

is he hot?

eleanor bloom said...

I think you would be a marvellous host if that's any consolation Davey. And I would add 'one with better dress sense' although, after those green sneakers...

Shame I am missing this today with no cable telly! Of course I would be very loyal and only laugh at your contribution to the 'gag' section. :)

davey said...

Well, considering that his Mum is probably watching the show, I should hope so. But probably not.

He's presenting just the one award, but also got roped in at the last minute to do all the voice overs. Apparently he had to make up 60 jokes in 90 minutes! I mean come on. Not even the writers for 'Hey Dad' could have accomplished that feat.

In answer to your question regarding his hotness, I will say that I find Will thoroughly alluring. But then you also have to consider that I have no eyes. Or taste.

Aw. Thanks! I must say that I secretly support your hypothesis. Although your taste in green shoes is clearly wanting.

Spewing you'll miss it! I'll try and get a copy off Will and post it up.