Monday, January 28, 2008

One of these kids is doin his own thing..

The headlines that the MSN 'news' channel promotes each day are without exception shallow, vain, depressing, and regularly hilarious; mostly due to their having a complete lack of self-awareness. You'll see what I mean, quite often they'll print a final headline that manages to neatly insult the intelligence of the previous two, but you can tell it's unintentional. It's a bit like the family dog who doesn't quite get why everyone finds his conical neck brace so hysterical, but appreciates all the attention he's getting regardless. You can't blame him -- Understanding conical neck brace humour really is some next-level shit.

I've been saving a few of the better MSN headlines for a while now, and in lieu of finding a final one I've decided to run a bit of a competition, which we'll call the Amazing Stumblor Story Headline Omission Game for the purposes of continuity. I assume the acronym is non-offensive, I really don't have the time to check. I'm a busy guy.

The rules couldn't be simpler: alls you have to do is guess which of the following headlines have been concocted out of the oozy depths of my subconscious (one per game), and you will win an incredible prize!

Said prize remaining undisclosed due to the fact that it totally exists, ok?

Easy one to start with:


Milly Moo said...

Hmmmm, the tazer one appeals to me the most.

When we lived in Darwin, the NT News was a regular source of entertainment. My all time favourite headline of theirs was (this is true, I swear), MAN GOES BERSERK WITH A BRICK. It made a nice change from their preferred 'CROC ATTACK' OR 'WOMAN RAPED'

eleanor bloom said...

Oh Lord! There's so many to choose from! Amy Winehouse performing sounds like the biggest joke... do they mean at the end of a mic or the end of a crack pipe (now, if that doesn't inspire a sonnet... or limerick)?

The Blakkat said...

Ok, Tasers, Bloppers causing wrinkles & the Bill Nye one. They're all no. 3 though, so I'm sure I haven't got them right - plus it's a bloody tough call! You sure you don't have a secret life as the dude who makes shit up for quiz shows on TV?

kiki said...

science bloopers cause wrinkes??

wait, is it one out of the lot or one pre rown?

davey said...

And we have a winner! Equal prizes to Keeks and the Kat, although she plainly cheated by choosing all of them.

Yes, The high-brow humour of bloopers cannot cause wrinkles -- thankfully! As everyone knows, it's thinking about complicated things and helping homeless people that causes unfortunate facial furrowing.

Milly, wouldn't it be great to be a headline writer? "Nerdy blog writer named charmingest swinger of all time." I wouldn't last long of course.

Eleanor, now now. Just because someone is a crack tooting hoe bag who looks as though they've run headlong into a pummel horse is no reason for us to... nah I'm just kidding. Skank!

You know, Blakkat, one of my lifelong dreams has been to be the home viewer on Sale. In my dream, the contestant would of course choose my charming picture first after answering Robert Oppenheimer to the 'Who am I' question, my visage would revolve to reveal a stunning teak finished Swedish outdoor setting complete with an all weather shade umbrella.

The contestant, buoyed by the thought of the BBQs they would no doubt throw with such a set, would go on to win the big bucks.


The Blakkat said...

Fark, you crack me up. The homeviewer with Swedish teak outdoor home furniture for some lucky constestant? Your aspirations never cease to amaze me. Your talents are wasted on being a computer nerd.

kiki said...

buy me a beer tomorrow


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