Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Image Ideologues

Elections. A fear peddlers paradise. An avenue for liars, muck-rakers and dog-waggers to blissfully engage in the manipulation of the masses. I find the whole process utterly depressing, not to mention extravagantly wasteful. But besides the excess, the lies, and the megalomania, the very worst aspect of new-era campaigning to my mind is the unwavering focus on the negative.

Take the upcoming American presidential election for example. Since Hilary was asked politely to leave after overstaying her welcome (not to mention drinking everyone else's beer), McCain and his cronies have been cranking up the Obama rake-o-meter, taking pot-shots at everything from his lack of experience to his alleged willingness to have an open dialogue with terrorists.

Accusations like this seem to blatantly ignore the fact that the current administration's no dialogue foreign policy (which McCain openly intends to continue with) have been a proven disaster with respect to keeping suspect powers in line. This policy, in my opinion, would be a bit like expecting someone who doesn't like you very much to quit smoking simply by telling everyone else besides them that they smell like the ashtray of a long-hauler. Then, you know, attributing them to some evil axis thing you had a dream about once.

What I find most distressing about this recent round of campaigning is McCain's assertion that Obama is trading solely on aesthetics. I mean, I guess I should expect some level of image attack coming from a guy who looks as though he shares a weekend wardrobe with Sargeant Slaughter, but there was something else that bugged me about this. I couldn't put my finger on what I found so hypocritical about it.. until I opened the paper last week.

Inside I saw a photo of McCain riding in a BlackHawk helicopter somewhere in Iraq.

It looked normal enough, to the untrained eye. But to my heightened sluethy senses, I could see that the image had been PHOTOSHOPPED. Egads!

I couldn't understand why... what on earth were they trying so hard to cover up? I knew that I wouldn't be able to rest until I found out the answer.

After days of searching, I finally caught a break. Hidden away behind JavaScript comments in the source code of the 'Girls Gone Wild' site (I like, totally swear it was the non-members section) I found THIS:

ahhh HA! I KNEW it. I totally knew it. John McCain is a clown fearin', doily nose blowin', nancy boy. Geez louise this was going to blow the entire caucus apart. Assuming I could determine exactly what a caucus was between now and talking to the media, this was going to be big. Tom Hanks big.

UPDATE: For some reason, the Obama campaign office has been ignoring my calls. I guess their machine is broken or something. It really shouldn't be too long now before I'm regarded as a left wing pin-up boy. Aaaany day now.

More half baked political diatribes over at If you mention my name you get a free 'Bush is my Bitch' sticker plus a two-for-one at Wendys.. whatever the hell that means.


Daniel said...

I find it intriquing that an Aussie living in London is so interested in the minute details of the American primary process.

I guess we really are the center of the universe, we Americans.

davey said...

Well, I got all the American polical jargon from a book I found called xenophobia for dummies, the rest I just made up. Was it on the money?

Kath Lockett said...

Actually I think the original photo is powerful enough, Davey - he looks as though he's about to bawl into his baseball cap, or he's hunching up tightly so that the goon outside doesn't notice he's already filled his trousers.

kiki said...

"This policy, in my opinion, would be a bit like expecting someone who doesn't like you very much to quit smoking simply by telling everyone else besides them that they smell like the ashtray of a long-hauler."

probably the most apt simile of all time

eleanor bloom said...

Oh, is that his cap he's clutching? I thought it was a spare pair of knickers.

Anyway, Hillary's not out of the race yet (even though Obama's outlapped her a few times). So send it to her camp - she'll love it! Even better, replace her head with McCain's in the first pic.(adding some sniper fire). Or, to make your readers happy, swap hers with the clown's face.

PS - It's terrorist policy not to negotiate anyway. Although, I suppose we could try giving them what they want: their caliphate, their Muslim super-state, which is to include all current and former Muslim lands (like, ever!), and with all Western influence removed along with all 'Crusaders', Jews and them 'idolaters of democracy' from said lands. Sweet. Not much different to what Hitler wanted really...

davey said...

I suppose if you consider her complete inability to count figures or admit defeat, then sure! She's still in.

Questionable administrations, at least from a Western standpoint, does not necessarily mean 'terrorist'. America's silent treatment foreign policy includes any country who doesn't first meet a set of preconditions.

But the countries whom they dictate to meet them is arbitrary, and depends upon whether they are doing arms sales with them or not. Libya and North Korea for example.

Bunk Strutts said...

I understand that you were trying really hard to be funny, but any survivor of the brutality of the Hanoi Hilton is anything but a nancy boy.
Your ignorance overwhelms your attempt at humor.

davey said...

You'd be great at dinner parties, Bunk. We could all just sit around and admire the impressive size of your head.

Bunk said...

Heh. We're even.